


The Search for Peter Parker

by NoahLikesHummus



Series: Eh, what could go wrong? [2]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Kinda, May is very OOC, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 08:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15882420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoahLikesHummus/pseuds/NoahLikesHummus
Summary: Tony's search for Peter brings him to the realisation that his first impression of one May Parker was so, so wrong.





	The Search for Peter Parker

‘I’m sorry, I think I misheard. Can you please repeat that?’

Tony Stark stands in front of May Parker, arms crossed and whole posture screaming _this is serious._

May doesn’t seem to acknowledge his body language, nor does she appear to give a crap about the current situation. A lit cigarette is held between her fingers, the air in her apartment almost suffocating with the smoke flowing without an open window to use as an escape route. She wears a dressing gown that is far too expensive for her pay cheque, hot pink in colour and covered in sequins and oh boy does Tony wish he could erase this image from his mind.

Tony knows for a fact that there isn’t anything else on underneath the garment, despite it being noon on a weekday. One that he had presumed May would be spending at her work. Apparently, he was wrong. Rather, instead of being the dedicated, loving aunt who would put so much effort into keeping herself and Peter fed and content that Tony remembers her being, May is now… for lack of better words… the complete opposite.

 _I really misread things the first time I met her._ Tony thinks, taking in the way May is slouched across the whole couch and revealing far more than what he had ever wanted to see of Peter’s hot aunt. Well, that’s a lie. At one stage he was kind of interested in the area of, you know, but that was when he had believed that woman in front of him to be…

Well…

Not the complete and utter bitch she is.

‘I said,’ May says, ‘I told him to leave.’

Tony massages his temples as the headache that hasn’t left him since he realised that Peter was missing grows stronger. ‘You what?’

‘Told him to leave. Get out. Never come back. Didn’t want him anymore- well, never did in the first place. That was all Ben.’

It disturbs Tony, just how natural those words sound, and he tries to figure out what it reminds him of. Oh, right, it reminds him of Steve in that same way that good old Captain America believes himself uncapable of doing any wrong. It’s not the exact same as what Steve did in the whole Civil War thing, but by May’s words and actions it appears she truly believes, just as Steve truly believes, that what she has done was the right thing.

 _Jesus fucking Christ._ Tony thinks, because in this situation the words seem incredibly appropriate, but he needs to keep an air of professionalism around him, so he keeps the thought to himself. He was simply going to break into the apartment and search for clues, but noooo, May Parker just had to have skipped a day of work. Again. This is the third time this week, though it is only the first time he has confronted her head on.

‘And why did you think that was a good idea?’ Tony asks. ‘Peter’s probably out on the streets right now.’ He pauses before adding; ‘Or dead. You’re his legal guardian, this won’t exactly end well for you.’

May doesn’t seem even the slightest bit concerned. ‘I figured he’d just go to you.’

Tony wishes that Peter had gone to him, too. But apparently the kid is far too stubborn to ask for help. That, or something happened to him. Tony doesn’t want to entertain that thought, but there’s a high chance that the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man has gotten himself mixed up in a whole heap of trouble. Again.

Even if it’s something as simple as an injury, if he doesn’t have anywhere to go to patch himself up…

But he does!

‘What’s the name of Peter’s friend? The chubby kid who’s really good with computers and, uhh…’ Tony asks, hope daring to rise in his chest, right where his Arc Reaction once again resides. He makes a mental note to learn more about Peter’s friends as soon as he finds the kid.

May takes a puff of her cigarette. ‘You mean Ned Leeds?’

After that, Tony leaves. But not before contacting CPS. Hah! Let’s see May explain her behaviour to them.

* * *

 

‘Sorry Mr. Stark, I haven’t seen Peter. Oh man I hope he’s alright though, what if something-’

* * *

 

No one has seen hide nor hair of Peter Parker since May kicked him to the curb, and that troubles Tony greatly. If Peter Parker were to be homeless, Tony has no doubt that the kid would continue to play his role as Spider-Man, even if it would become detrimental to his health.

And there haven’t been any reported sightings of Spider-Man, either. Which means there is something more going on, something he is missing.

Tony call up everyone he knows that is capable of searching for Peter. From Vision to Nick Fury and the remains of S.H.I.E.L.D to the police nationwide, he even asks T’Challa to keep an eye out and oh boy isn’t that a conversation. There were a lot of ‘I’m sorry, what?’s and ‘How would he even get to Wakanda without previous detection?’s and ‘we definitely aren’t hiding the rogue Avengers here, no sirree!’s involved in that specific phone call. It doesn’t matter that most of the world now knows that Peter Parker is his favourite intern, nor does it matter that Tony knows exactly where Steve and his gang are (but thank you anyway T’Challa), what matters is that the kid is found.

After a few more days pass Tony is even desperate enough to call in Deadpool for help, offering a hefty reward for the mercenary to take on the condition that no harm comes to Peter should he be found.

Deadpool gives him a pleasant wave and an exclamation of; ‘No promises! But I’ll try not to hurt Spidey too bad.’

Tony is far too shocked to respond to that, because _crap how did he figure it out?_

* * *

 

Sometime later F.R.I.D.A.Y brings to Tony’s attention a video that has gone viral, just as many things tend to do these days. At first, he doesn’t understand what it means, but almost as soon as he presses the play button it dawns on him.

Deadpool and an unidentifiable stranger clad in Zorro cosplay are running down the street with a mutated spider right on their heels. Tony groans, bringing his hands up to cover his face as he realises what has happened- what Deadpool has done.

It seems that he needs to give the Merc with a Mouth a phone call.

* * *

 

‘Look, I get what you’re doing Deadpool, but Spider-Man isn’t actually a spider.’

_‘I- what- hey listen here Stark! That spider is totally, one hundred and forty two percent Spider-Man.’_

‘It’s a giant mutated spider! Where did you even find it?’

_‘That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’ve found your kid!’_

‘Peter isn’t a giant mutant spider, either! They’re the same person, you know that.’

_‘Mutant, you keep saying **mutant** and isn’t that the point?! Fuck, Stark, for a genius you sure are dumb- oh shut up you two.’_

‘That’s it. Don’t waste any more of my time, Deadpool.’

* * *

 

Wade looks to Peter. ‘Your dad’s a moron.’

Peter hisses.

‘He says _‘Mr. Stark is not my dad’_ , I think.’ Hela translates. ‘It’s either that or _‘go get Tacos, lest I dine upon all your body fluids.’_ It could be either one.’ She pauses as Peter produces a bunch of clicking noises. ‘Oh. Well then, I suppose your right. Wade’s regeneration would make him something akin to an eternal feast.’

Wade wipes an anime tear from his eye. ‘Petey’s grown so much- wait, what?’

Hela rolls her eyes, allowing Peter to climb onto her back and wrap his eight limbs around her body. Peter _hums_ happily as Wade runs off to get Tacos.

**Author's Note:**

> And this is Tony's point of view to what happened in Spiders, Death and Deadpool. The next part of this series should hopefully be longer, with the focus put back on the Peter-Hela-Wade trio. Who knows, I might even throw a bit of plot into it! Also as a way to justify the jab I took at Steve (even though my salty arse needs no reason to justify said saltiness), it was Tony's perspective on the matter, so... yeah, that~ n.n
> 
> Reviews tend to drive me to greater improve my writing, so feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think :')


End file.
